I really like doing my workouts especially if there is a personal training class or group exercise such as aerobics or yoga. Today at the gym studio (joined this recently and I am enjoying my workouts!), there was a change in the schedule and instead of the regular aerobics class, the trainer started with a cardio-calisthenic class which is according to me is comparatively a higher intensity workout. One woman completely lost her cool and started yelling and shouting at the trainer for poor services, non- functional air conditioners, bad music and disrupted the entire class. This was followed by a short discussion in angry tones about quality of services and blaming the trainer for the issues. These are one hour classes, so after a delay of 15 minutes, we finally started with aerobics (thanks to the angry lady!) and ended the class with a bit of functional training to make up for the lost time.
So why am I talking about this? All that anger from one person created a lot of negative energy to an extent that half of the people got drawn into the drama and started complaining losing interest in doing any kind of exercise (which according to me is the best stress buster). On my way back home, it suddenly dawned on me that a small incident can actually waste an hour and the negativity can actually affect the surrounding people and the work that has to be done. Or if this was a group of friends out for a movie and just because one of them is not happy with the seats can result in a spoiler for all and a fun evening can easily turn out to be stressful. This can also initiate a chain reaction. Going back to today's experience, one person (maybe she was carrying all this when she entered the class and a small change in plans triggered all her pent up emotions and the trainer was made a target of all issues on-going in her world as the outbursts personally some of us felt was quite out of proportion). Suppose 3 to 4 of others who were present can drawn into this drama and carry back this anger in some form back to their family members and so on. This is one small example what anger can do us. Just imagine when we carry anger for longer durations, with those whom we love, friends ..what effect are we continously producing. And all the stress that results has far more lasting effect on us.
It is a known fact anger is related to many mental health issues and has direct effect on physical body. Anger if not managed can have many effects - right from affecting day to day interpersonal relationships to negative outcome on health such as road accidents (we are all ware of road rage and frequently encounter on day to day basis), coronary heart disease. (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3019061/#R1)
Dealing with anger (self and others) can be quite a task. The first step would be to accept the fact that we have the trait. But at the same time as I discussed earlier to be careful not to critique self about it. The first step would be to understand "what is anger". It is actually a normal emotion and can range from slight irritation to rage. It is when anger starts taking control of us, affecting our normal functioning, where we remain angry multiple times in a day and can stay angry for most part of day. (for more read http://www.pbs.org/thisemotionallife/topic/anger/what-anger).
And some online tests to check your anger level - http://www.doctoroz.com/quiz/quiz-are-you-too-angry (there are many more you can find on google search such as http://psychologytoday.tests.psychtests.com/bin/transfer?req=MTF8MTI5OHw2Mjc1MjkyfDB8MQ==&refempt=). I guess the best way would be see a therapist who can help you analyse if there are any anger management issues.
Mayo Clinic also lists out certain anger management tips to help in day to day functioning such taking time to think before responding (read reacting to a situation), daily exercise (tried and tested stress buster for me), something as basic doing timeout for couple of minutes and then resuming back to work. (http://www.mayoclinic.org/anger-management/art-20045434)
Anger is not always expressive in the form of fights and shouting at someone. Many a times, anger can take form in a suppressed way and though not verbally and physically (getting violent, throwing things) can have same effects on mental health and physical body.
According to Louise Hay, anger is actually fear that has become our defense mechanism. So the whole aim should be to release our fears by bringing a shift in our thought system. So how do we bring in that shift?
1. Introspection: After an angry episode (expressive or suppressed), and when the mind is more calm, to go through the situation and try to look at objectively whether our action/ behaviour was really required. There is no need for guilt or repentance but to look at that incident objectively. This gives new perspective to that particular situation.
2. Being aware: Human behaviour consists of repeat patterns. We tend to repeat our behaviour, responses and reaction to situations in a similar manner. So the next time (or the third, fourth time and so on) we are getting angry, because of the introspection work we have done, we start to become aware of what is happening at that "present" situation. This may help us in "becoming aware" rather getting into the drama of the situation. Though we are getting angry but in a controlled manner.
3. Repeating the first 2 steps, over a period of time (can vary from one individual to another) will help us being in more control of our emotions and behaviour and help us in looking for the root cause.
4. Root cause: Make a list of all people you care angry with, and all the situations. Look for a repeating pattern of what is making you angry. What are your feelings at that time? What is the underlying factor (as Louise Hay as rightly pointed out that it would lead to the underlying fears). The list of people and the situations is your perception (your way of looking at things) and is the emotional load you carry with yourself.
5. Let go: As you will realize that these are just 'thoughts' and over a period of time (even years) we have started needing these thoughts and allow them to take control (or rather I want to take control that is why I have expectations and since you do not abide by them and all that is making me angry, isn't it?). We can let go of these thoughts one at a time. First, we should be willing to release them. You can do an exercise by writing every negative angry thought starting with - "I am willing to release this thought/condition".
6. Replacing them by actively thinking positive thoughts: If you are angry with someone, or a situation, for example at work, start by listing all the positive aspects of the person or your work environment. This will help you understand whether it is time to change your attitude or it is time to look for a new job/ relationship.
7. Affirmations (reminders to yourself and help in breaking/ releasing the habit): I generally replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations. Some affirmations can be as - I calm my thoughts and I see with the eyes of love. There is a harmonious solution to everything in life. I create peacefulness in my life. And so on. We can create our reminders that help us in looking at situations in a more positive light.
8. Meditation: 10 minutes of meditation before starting your day can actually produce such wonderful results as you start the day with a calm mind.
Over a period time, we can see ourselves getting more detached form the drama we create and others create and can actually live a peaceful, stress free life.
Books that have personally helped me:
http://www.amazon.com/You-Can-Heal-Your-Life/dp/0937611018
http://www.amazon.com/The-Astonishing-Power-Emotions-Feelings/dp/140191246X
If you are looking for affirmations that you can practice on daily basis, please visit and leave and enquiry or request for contact details to place your order for workbooks http://www.medialexiconedu.com/video_comment.php?v=94
Also a prayer posted by Doreen Virtue on her FB page
So why am I talking about this? All that anger from one person created a lot of negative energy to an extent that half of the people got drawn into the drama and started complaining losing interest in doing any kind of exercise (which according to me is the best stress buster). On my way back home, it suddenly dawned on me that a small incident can actually waste an hour and the negativity can actually affect the surrounding people and the work that has to be done. Or if this was a group of friends out for a movie and just because one of them is not happy with the seats can result in a spoiler for all and a fun evening can easily turn out to be stressful. This can also initiate a chain reaction. Going back to today's experience, one person (maybe she was carrying all this when she entered the class and a small change in plans triggered all her pent up emotions and the trainer was made a target of all issues on-going in her world as the outbursts personally some of us felt was quite out of proportion). Suppose 3 to 4 of others who were present can drawn into this drama and carry back this anger in some form back to their family members and so on. This is one small example what anger can do us. Just imagine when we carry anger for longer durations, with those whom we love, friends ..what effect are we continously producing. And all the stress that results has far more lasting effect on us.
It is a known fact anger is related to many mental health issues and has direct effect on physical body. Anger if not managed can have many effects - right from affecting day to day interpersonal relationships to negative outcome on health such as road accidents (we are all ware of road rage and frequently encounter on day to day basis), coronary heart disease. (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3019061/#R1)
Dealing with anger (self and others) can be quite a task. The first step would be to accept the fact that we have the trait. But at the same time as I discussed earlier to be careful not to critique self about it. The first step would be to understand "what is anger". It is actually a normal emotion and can range from slight irritation to rage. It is when anger starts taking control of us, affecting our normal functioning, where we remain angry multiple times in a day and can stay angry for most part of day. (for more read http://www.pbs.org/thisemotionallife/topic/anger/what-anger).
And some online tests to check your anger level - http://www.doctoroz.com/quiz/quiz-are-you-too-angry (there are many more you can find on google search such as http://psychologytoday.tests.psychtests.com/bin/transfer?req=MTF8MTI5OHw2Mjc1MjkyfDB8MQ==&refempt=). I guess the best way would be see a therapist who can help you analyse if there are any anger management issues.
Mayo Clinic also lists out certain anger management tips to help in day to day functioning such taking time to think before responding (read reacting to a situation), daily exercise (tried and tested stress buster for me), something as basic doing timeout for couple of minutes and then resuming back to work. (http://www.mayoclinic.org/anger-management/art-20045434)
Anger is not always expressive in the form of fights and shouting at someone. Many a times, anger can take form in a suppressed way and though not verbally and physically (getting violent, throwing things) can have same effects on mental health and physical body.
According to Louise Hay, anger is actually fear that has become our defense mechanism. So the whole aim should be to release our fears by bringing a shift in our thought system. So how do we bring in that shift?
1. Introspection: After an angry episode (expressive or suppressed), and when the mind is more calm, to go through the situation and try to look at objectively whether our action/ behaviour was really required. There is no need for guilt or repentance but to look at that incident objectively. This gives new perspective to that particular situation.
2. Being aware: Human behaviour consists of repeat patterns. We tend to repeat our behaviour, responses and reaction to situations in a similar manner. So the next time (or the third, fourth time and so on) we are getting angry, because of the introspection work we have done, we start to become aware of what is happening at that "present" situation. This may help us in "becoming aware" rather getting into the drama of the situation. Though we are getting angry but in a controlled manner.
3. Repeating the first 2 steps, over a period of time (can vary from one individual to another) will help us being in more control of our emotions and behaviour and help us in looking for the root cause.
4. Root cause: Make a list of all people you care angry with, and all the situations. Look for a repeating pattern of what is making you angry. What are your feelings at that time? What is the underlying factor (as Louise Hay as rightly pointed out that it would lead to the underlying fears). The list of people and the situations is your perception (your way of looking at things) and is the emotional load you carry with yourself.
5. Let go: As you will realize that these are just 'thoughts' and over a period of time (even years) we have started needing these thoughts and allow them to take control (or rather I want to take control that is why I have expectations and since you do not abide by them and all that is making me angry, isn't it?). We can let go of these thoughts one at a time. First, we should be willing to release them. You can do an exercise by writing every negative angry thought starting with - "I am willing to release this thought/condition".
6. Replacing them by actively thinking positive thoughts: If you are angry with someone, or a situation, for example at work, start by listing all the positive aspects of the person or your work environment. This will help you understand whether it is time to change your attitude or it is time to look for a new job/ relationship.
7. Affirmations (reminders to yourself and help in breaking/ releasing the habit): I generally replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations. Some affirmations can be as - I calm my thoughts and I see with the eyes of love. There is a harmonious solution to everything in life. I create peacefulness in my life. And so on. We can create our reminders that help us in looking at situations in a more positive light.
8. Meditation: 10 minutes of meditation before starting your day can actually produce such wonderful results as you start the day with a calm mind.
Over a period time, we can see ourselves getting more detached form the drama we create and others create and can actually live a peaceful, stress free life.
Books that have personally helped me:
http://www.amazon.com/You-Can-Heal-Your-Life/dp/0937611018
http://www.amazon.com/The-Astonishing-Power-Emotions-Feelings/dp/140191246X
If you are looking for affirmations that you can practice on daily basis, please visit and leave and enquiry or request for contact details to place your order for workbooks http://www.medialexiconedu.com/video_comment.php?v=94
Also a prayer posted by Doreen Virtue on her FB page
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