During the last few days, I have been
meeting up with some of my friends.... some really old ones whom I haven’t seen
in ages. Though it was fun catching up, there was an uneasy feeling as I was
unable to connect with some friends or some topics that were discussed. I have
realized when girls meet, the discussion varies from weight issues, what not to
order and what not to eat, someone is invariably on a diet (this is supposed to
be a lifestyle change, the word diet should be deleted from the dictionary!), or
someone makes you conscious of what you order. The second hot topic is
generally gossiping about a friend who is either not in contact or has not
turned up for the meet. This is completely harmless but it makes me think that
maybe people do talk about me when I am not around and I am sure everyone has
got this feeling sometime or the other. Another thing that disturbs me is when
married friends start discussing their problems and want your opinion on the
same. Since I am single, I am usually at crossroads whether to say anything or
just listen. I completely admire those who have problems but choose to joke
about the same (literally some of my friends can give a run to stand-up
comedians).
Coming back to today’s topic on how to
deal with negative or uneasiness that comes in. This is more of a gut feeling
where you start feeling uncomfortable in a situation or what topic is going on
or what your friends want to discuss. Over the years I have realized it is an
internal feeling rather than related to the outside event. It is about how you
are reacting to the outside situation. Take some time out (of course when alone
preferably before you end the day) and ask yourself deep down what was that
feeling. If you like writing, do it. Though I am a bit lazy about writing about
my thoughts, it is usually the best cathartic for negative emotions. For
example if conversation towards a healthy diet makes you uncomfortable, that is
because you have been ignoring your need to turn towards a healthier diet or
are taking too many liberties with food. Again food is directly related to
emotions. So many times when we are discussing food, it is best to ask
ourselves what are we covering up with the kind of food we are eating. When
someone makes a personal remark on their marital status, work, children,
lifestyle….always remember it is a projection of their thinking and has nothing
to do with you. If you end up some negative feelings (irritation, anger, issues
with self worth), bring yourself to peace by counting your blessings. We all are where we are by the choice we make
in life and not because where life brings us. Even not making a choice is
actually choosing not to make a choice.
There are two mantras that I have
started using recently to calm myself down and relook at any situation. One is
by Gabrielle Bernstein that goes by “Peace lies within me.” I keep repeating
this if I realize I am creating this sensation of uneasiness.
At times there are external factors
such two people fighting or someone in afoul mood starts shouting or getting
angry with you or starts telling you their problems. We also have this unique
ability to jump in between discussions that are totally unrelated to us and put
ourselves in middle of mess. During such situation I have started repeating this (mentally,
unless you want people to call you crazy…not that I mind :-P) …”Not my circus,
not my monkey” (from somewhere on the internet).
These two mantras have immensely helped
me in the past few months and help me resolve issues that I may have created. I
have realized that I more time as I have started getting less involved in other
people’s problem (even if they are close as there is only so much you can do
for others) and have drastically cut down on my negative thinking that would be
on loop mode throughout the day.
Last and not the least, we always have 1 or
2 friends who help you see through the issue quickly (only if are willing to
heal yourself) and are totally reliable to get you back in a positive, happy
mood within minutes (yes timing is important on how fast you heal yourself from
the situation). If you are one of those who goes on and on about your problems
and see no change in your relations, then you need to break the loop mode and
get out of the monotonous song playing in your head. For me, listening to music
especially some fast paced numbers completely changes my mood and helps breaks
the loop mode.
So its important to sit back and
observe what stories your mind is telling you, break the thoughts and see your
external environment change completely. That is if you are willing to change
rather than expecting others to change.
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