Do we really listen?

Being a homeopath, it is very essential to have the qualities of a good listener. I have always assumed that I am better at listening than expressing myself. Today afternoon, I was attending a meeting conducted by Dr. Pravin Jain (http://www.homoeocare.co.in/index.html) for the very first time (thanks to my friend Sonal for introducing me to this wonderful team). While discussing a case. Dr. Jain very aptly pointed out that are we actually listening to the patients' story? It is very important to take patients at face value in the sense take what people are saying rather than cross questioning their belief system or adding our meaning to what they say. When someone says that he/ she is sympathetic, we have to appreciate their understanding of being sympathetic rather that questioning what they mean by that. What is defined by one person as being "symapthetic" does not have to fit into my dictionary. As my undertsanding stems from my belief system. Every person has their way of defining/ understanding the world we all live in and that is true for them. In other words, this is the "delusion" we all have about our world(s). When we understand this part, that is time we actually start listening to what the other person is saying.

After listening to this, I realized that this is applicable to everyone and in all walks of life. In other words, do we really listen? Or are we busy trying to express ourselves or having one way conversations when trying to convince others with what we think? Or we spend our entire lives trying to manage and control converstaions to have our way out? How many times to we actually plan what to speak and how to get our point across? I am sure all of you have had an experience where in you feel uncomfortable when someone overtakes the conversation and you don't get to hear what you want to hear.

Why are we not ready to listen? There are many reasons such we are prejudiced, we usually form our opinions based on our belief system rather than what we actually see/observe. Our past experiences (and even others who have influenced us) play a major role in coming to conclusions (rather jumping). We want to be in control of a situation and we are not ready to let go. Control generally stems from fear related to how we percieve ourselves in comaprison to others, when we are trying to impress others with what we have to say. Observe this when we start interrupting friends/ families/ co - workers during so called discussions and try to prove our points. Also ask yourself if you feel exhausted after a discussion as you were the only one talking (can we really call this discussion/ meeting). All these are usually one - way communication patterns. By doing this, we dont allow others to be themselves as they are. And it is just not one person, everybody sometime or the other does exhibit this kind of behaviour. Trying to prove our point, being in control, making things happen our way. I guess the only solution is to let go, which in itself is a big task. It also means not being in control, to get in touch with your fears, to expose your weakness to others, to be willing to listen (with compassion and understanding) what others have to say and allowing others to contribute.

From today's experience, this is what i learnt - When I listen, I show respect, I learn to be quiet and ready to learn something new. I also feel more connected and at peace with myself as my percepetion shifts from dimension to encompass others too. It improves my tolerance towards other people.

Lets see how often I can practice this new learning.

"Since in order to speak, one must first listen, learn to speak by listening." - Rumi

And all that drama - Anger and its effects

I really like doing my workouts especially if there is a personal training class or group exercise such as aerobics or yoga. Today at the gym studio (joined this recently and I am enjoying my workouts!), there was a change in the schedule and instead of the regular aerobics class, the trainer started with a cardio-calisthenic class which is according to me is comparatively a higher intensity workout. One woman completely lost her cool and started yelling and shouting at the trainer for poor services, non- functional air conditioners, bad music and disrupted the entire class. This was followed by a short discussion in angry tones about quality of services and blaming the trainer for the issues. These are one hour classes, so after a delay of 15 minutes, we finally started with aerobics (thanks to the angry lady!) and ended the class with a bit of functional training to make up for the lost time.

So why am I talking about this? All that anger from one person created a lot of negative energy to an extent that half of the people got drawn into the drama and started complaining losing interest in doing any kind of exercise (which according to me is the best stress buster). On my way back home, it suddenly dawned on me that a small incident can actually waste an hour and the negativity can actually affect the surrounding people and the work that has to be done. Or if this was a group of friends out for  a movie and just because one of them is not happy with the seats can result in a spoiler for all and a fun evening can easily turn out to be stressful. This can also initiate  a chain reaction. Going back to today's experience, one person (maybe she was carrying all this when she entered the class and a small change in plans triggered all her pent up emotions and the trainer was made a target of all issues on-going in her world as the outbursts personally some of us felt was quite out of proportion). Suppose 3 to 4 of others who were present can drawn into this drama and carry back this anger in some form back to their family members and so on. This is one small example what anger can do us. Just imagine when we carry anger for longer durations, with those whom we love, friends ..what effect are we continously producing. And all the stress that results has far more lasting effect on us.

It is a known fact anger is related to many mental health issues and has direct effect on physical body. Anger if not managed can have many effects - right from affecting day to day interpersonal relationships to negative outcome on health such as road accidents (we are all ware of road rage and frequently encounter on day to day basis), coronary heart disease. (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3019061/#R1)

Dealing with anger (self and others) can be quite a task. The first step would be to accept the fact that we have the trait. But at the same time as I discussed earlier to be careful not to critique self about it.  The first step would be to understand "what is anger". It is actually a normal emotion and can range from slight irritation to rage. It is when anger starts taking control of us, affecting our normal functioning, where we remain angry multiple times in a day and can stay angry for most part of day. (for more read http://www.pbs.org/thisemotionallife/topic/anger/what-anger).

And some online tests to check your anger level - http://www.doctoroz.com/quiz/quiz-are-you-too-angry  (there are many more you can find on google search such as http://psychologytoday.tests.psychtests.com/bin/transfer?req=MTF8MTI5OHw2Mjc1MjkyfDB8MQ==&refempt=). I guess the best way would be see a therapist who can help you analyse if there are any anger management issues.

Mayo Clinic also lists out certain anger management tips to help in day to day functioning such taking time to think before responding (read reacting to a situation), daily exercise (tried and tested stress buster for me), something as basic doing timeout for couple of minutes and then resuming back to work. (http://www.mayoclinic.org/anger-management/art-20045434)

Anger is not always expressive in the form of fights and shouting at someone. Many a times, anger can take form in a suppressed way and though not verbally and physically (getting violent, throwing things) can have same effects on mental health and physical body.

According to Louise Hay, anger is actually fear that has become our defense mechanism. So the whole aim should be to release our fears by bringing a shift in our thought system. So how do we bring in that shift?
1. Introspection: After an angry episode (expressive or suppressed), and when the mind is more calm, to go through the situation and try to look at objectively whether our action/ behaviour was really required. There is no need for guilt or repentance but to look at that incident objectively. This gives new perspective to that particular situation.
2. Being aware: Human behaviour consists of repeat patterns. We tend to repeat our behaviour, responses and reaction to situations in a similar manner. So the next time (or the third, fourth time and so on) we are getting angry, because of the introspection work we have done, we start to become aware of what is happening at that "present" situation. This may help us in "becoming aware" rather getting into the drama of the situation. Though we are getting angry but in a controlled manner.
3. Repeating the first 2 steps, over a period of time (can vary from one individual to another) will help us being in more control of our emotions and behaviour and help us in looking for the root cause.
4. Root cause: Make a list of all people you care angry with, and all the situations. Look for a repeating pattern of what is making you angry. What are your feelings at that time? What is the underlying factor (as Louise Hay as rightly pointed out that it would lead to the underlying fears). The list of people and the situations is your perception (your way of looking at things) and is the emotional load you carry with yourself.
5. Let go: As you will realize that these are just 'thoughts' and over a period of time (even years) we have started needing these thoughts and allow them to take control (or rather I want to take control that is why I have expectations and since you do not abide by them and all that is making me angry, isn't it?). We can let go of these thoughts one at a time. First, we should be willing to release them. You can do an exercise by writing every negative angry thought starting with - "I am willing to release this thought/condition".
6. Replacing them by actively thinking positive thoughts: If you are angry with someone, or a situation, for example at work, start by listing all the positive aspects of the person or your work environment. This will help you understand whether it is time to change your attitude or it is time to look for a new job/ relationship.
7. Affirmations (reminders to yourself and help in breaking/ releasing the habit): I generally replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations. Some affirmations can be as - I calm my thoughts and I see with the eyes of love. There is a harmonious solution to everything in life. I create peacefulness in my life. And so on. We can create our reminders that help us in looking at situations in a more positive light.
8. Meditation: 10 minutes of meditation before starting your day can actually produce such wonderful results as you start the day with a calm mind. 

Over a period time, we can see ourselves getting more detached form the drama we create and others create and can actually live a peaceful, stress free life.

Books that have personally helped me:
http://www.amazon.com/You-Can-Heal-Your-Life/dp/0937611018
http://www.amazon.com/The-Astonishing-Power-Emotions-Feelings/dp/140191246X

If you are looking for affirmations that you can practice on daily basis, please visit and leave and enquiry or request for contact details to place your order for workbooks http://www.medialexiconedu.com/video_comment.php?v=94

Also a prayer posted by Doreen Virtue on her FB page

Well-being

Thesarus describes wellbeing as a contented state of being happy, healthy and prosperous. Lets explore the definition in a more detailed manner.

Contented state refers to satisfaction, ease of mind and is a variable indicator. Level of contements will vary from person to person as we all are unique individuals. Can we actually measure contenment or give it a statistical value is quite a difficult task as every individual will have a different set of indiactors that could be materialistic, emotional or spiritual in nature. According to me a balance between all three is required but again the balance will vary depending on the individual. For some owning a new house will bring a state of ease and for someone else it may be finding new friends (social indicator?) or mending a disturbed relationship with a dear one. And for someone doing a self help workshop bring satisfaction. It is important to remember as each individual is different from others, it is asoultely okay to have different desires manifesting at different levels and we cannot really compare two sets of desires based on whether they are materialistic or spiritual. The form of desire is irrelevant. What is essential is that after acheiving a certain goal/ manifesting a desire what is the state of that individual. That is what will define contentment. Spiritually, contentment has been described as state of bliss and is eternal irrespective what is happening in your life, taht is remaing in a state of bliss even in times of adversity. For research purposes, various indicators of what makes people happy is used to measure contentment.

Also state of contenment can be closely asociated with being happy. Being happy can include many definitions such as good mood, positive state of mind, having pleasant emotions, being content, state of joy. I think we all understand what is to be happy. Personally, I can define being happy when I am kids, find a dress that fits perfectly or generally had  a good day at work or even manage to medidate peacfully for 15 minutes.

WHO has defined being healthy as a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity. The most striking part is that even WHO looks at being healthy as a positive state of being and does not talk about absence of "dis-ease" per se. Even if you observe the word disease - it is actually the opposite of being "at ease".  

If we go back to contentment and being happy (which can be intertwined), I basically just stated that it to be at ease - at ease with with one's physical state of being, at ease mentally, at ease with our thoughts, at ease with our desires, basically being at ease where we are, how we are and what we are doing. This is the first step towards accepting our true self. Being at ease with ourselves is compeletely opposite of being judgemental about ourseleves, criticizing ourselves - be it about how we look, how much money we have, what our aspirations our, what so called disease we have (overweight, acne, diabetes, etc).

When we attain the state of being at ease with our present state, that is when we can talk about acheiving wellbeing in a true sense.

Being prosperous, according to me is not limited to financial or econmical succes. Prosperity includes a larger definition that encompasses around our whole life incuding relationships, finding love, peace, success, being abundant in life. And knowing that what we have is enough to be happy, to be content, enough for our well-being.

And one of my favourite movies of all times. Pusuit of happyness. Happy watching :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJ6g8FLimdw

Well who doesn't want to happy? I guess we spend all our lives trying to achieve happiness. And the whole point is to be just happy now and here rather than waiting for someone or something to make us happy.

Recommended readings:
http://www.gretchenrubin.com/
http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/Default.aspx
and my most favourite author Louise Hay
http://www.healyourlife.com/topics/affirmations/happiness

Gallup, a strategic consultatncy company has a well-being index www.well-beingindex.com/‎

A little about me..

I have been wanting to write for many years where I could communicate my thoughts on what we actually mean by health. the next logical thought for anyone reading this would be why health as there are thousands of blogs, websites talking about the same topic. Well here I am not going to talk about health problems, diseases or even talk about prevention per se as according to me these are negative views about "health". When I post a discussion either my personal views or from other sources, it will be look at holistic solution of understanding why we have health issues ranging from allergies, acne, indigestion, mental health to lifestyle related like hypertension, diabetes and life threatening ones such as cancer. I also will make an attempt to look at psychosomatic link in creating an imbalance in harmonious functioning of the body. The whole assumption here would be to accept ourselves the way we are in  a positive light and bring a shift in our thinking. This will be  beginning to see ourselves in a new light, to 'accept' ourselves and move away from the victim energies or negative thinking that keeps us from evolving from the diseased state.

Is this a self help blog? I am not sure what to say. Most of the posts will be my experiences, what I have read and what i believe in.

A bit about me
I am a homeopathy doctor with masters in health administration. I have been involved with the non- profit sector for over 10 years. The main reason for shifting from a clinical based practice to a public health was the idea to work in the area of preventive health but I spent major part of those years working in the field of tuberculosis control programme in urban slums where prevention or awareness became a smaller part of the whole project. I finally quit to reevaluate what was my life purpose and after spending few months in sabbatical, I have found my calling homeopathy which I believe is an advanced intuitive medicine that works on restoring harmonious functioning working at strengthening the immune system of an individual based on the principal of psychosomatic linkages of disturbance in health.

Other interests include tarot cards, positive affirmations, reading

Disclaimers:
All content posted here is not going to be original. If I am copying or sharing from another blog, website, author, I will try my best to mention the references in the same post to avoid any copyright issues. No ideas are original, but we learn so much from others and form our own ideology.

I will end this first post with the following note (original image created by me)